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distorted_silence
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Name: Emily
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Akron
Gender: Female
Interests: Music (listening and playing instruments: viola, french horn/mellophone, some guitar and bass guitar..oh, I sing. I forgot.).Biking. Hiking. Kayaking. Reading. Writing. Rugby. Taekwondo. Psychology. Philosophy. Sociology. Photography. Dogs. Tea. Espresso. And I can't forget to mention my enormous love of magnetic poetry.
Expertise: Magical things. Teleportation. Spontaneous combustion.
Occupation: Operations
Industry: Real Estate
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  otherwayaround92
Member Since:
4/21/2003
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| I got hit by a car, and that makes me laugh, well I mean, now it does, not at first though.
Who actually laughs about getting hit by a heavy chunk of metal? Well, me. I guess a lot of people actually, because little kids laugh when anvils are dropped in cartoons, and that's a heavy chunk of metal.
So today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Actually I was at a stoplight, in a left turn lane, and this car in front of me just started backing up, and all of the little synapses in my brain spazzed out, and so many thoughts went through my head at once, seriously. And I don’t even remember yelling, or making any sort of vocalization, because I was just trying to move out of the way, but the lady said she heard me scream.
So anyway, yeah, they were like backing up, fast...faster than I would ever back up, seriously...or maybe it just seemed really fast because I was behind them.
Their car actually made contact with my left knee which was the one that was clipped in, so that’s probably why my knee hurts, because it probably got all twisted when I went down. So, when I went down, the bike took a lot of the impact because the rear triangle of the frame is broken, all the little carbon fibers just kind of splintered, also my right elbow took a lot of impact, so now my shoulder hurts...actually just my upper back in general, and my neck, and I have a headache, but I didn't hit my head I don't think, I guess it's probably that my body kind of was jostled up, and my spine, which is probably the cause of my headache. I should probably go to a chiropractor.
It was scary though, because I went down, and they were still moving backwards for a second and I was like “!!!!!!!” (inside of my brain) because I thought I was going to get run over.
So, looks like someone’s going to be buying me a new bicycle...although that one was new. I kind of want them to just give me the money, then maybe buy a cheaper bike, and then put the other remainder of the money towards something else, like perhaps a new fork for the MTB, I would like to get a new one in the spring. I don't even remember how much my road bike cost....I think that's a prime example of motivated forgetting, haha.
There's a lot of people in the world, especially Fort Wayne, who probably shouldn't be allowed to operate heavy chunks of metal. Seriously, who reverses at like 15 mph in a left turn lane without looking behind them? I'm small, but not that small. And I was wearing red. I was not invisible.
Yeah, crazy stuff tends to happen to me a lot, my room mates laughed about it too, and commented on how weird shit always happens to me. I mean, tons of people get hit by cars, but who gets hit by a car that is reversing in a left turn lane?
That's just ridiculous.
Right now, some kids are teaching Heaven's 12 year old sister to play beer pong...
"Can't you guys get in trouble, why do you do that?"
"Because I want to get drunk."
Winners.
Food, homework, sleep by 1030/11.
Yeah, my bike:
Oh, today, besides getting hit by a car, I bought a suit for my audition, because I don't want to wear a dress. I mean, if they have silly dress requirements, then obviously part of their basis of opinion of me is going to be formed depending on how I look/what I wear, and a dress portrays qualities that I don't think are so great for an audition. I hate spending money, but I think it will be useful more than enough times so that it makes up for the money I spent, plus I'm not going to grow ever again, so I'll always have it, no big deal. It's grey pinstripe, and I'm going to wear a light blue blouse underneath, and look all snazzy and feel all superficial. AWESOME!
Yeah.
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"nobody but you"
nobody can save you but
yourself.
you will be put again and again
into nearly impossible
situations.
they will attempt again and again
through subterfuge, guise and
force
to make you submit, quit and/or die quietly
inside.
nobody can save you but
yourself
and it will be easy enough to fail
so very easily
but don’t, don’t, don’t.
just watch them
listen to them.
do you want to be like that?
a faceless, mindless, heartless
being?
do you want to experience
death before death?
nobody can save you but
yourself
and you’re worth saving.
it’s a war not easily won
but if anything is worth winning then
this is it.
think about it.
think about saving your self.
your spiritual self.
your gut self.
your singing magical self and
your beautiful self.
save it.
don’t join the dead-in-spirit.
maintain your self
with humor and grace
and finally
if necessary
wager your life as you struggle,
damn the odds, damn
the price.
only you can save your
self.
do it! do it!
then you’ll know exactly what
I am talking about.
- Charles Bukowski
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| Ask Me
Some time when the river is ice ask me
mistakes I have made. Ask me whether
what I have done is my life. Others
have come in their slow way into
my thought, and some have tried to help
or to hurt: ask me what difference
their strongest love or hate has made.
I will listen to what you say.
You and I can turn and look
at the silent river and wait. We know
the current is there, hidden; and there
are comings and goings from miles away
that hold the stillness exactly before us.
What the river says, that is what I say.
- William Stafford
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| I had a super awesome weekend!!! No kidding. It was pretty much the best ever. I went down to Brown County State Park here in Indiana, and I rode my bike a lot of miles...I was only supposed to do 38, but I got lost because I'm cool, so I ended up doing between 43-45...it was crazy because I was tired and dead for short amounts of time throughout, but for last few miles I felt awesome and at the finish I felt I could just go back and do it again. What's even crazier is that nothing hurts today, seriously. Except for a bruise from my handlebars from saturday, but that doesn't count because it's from saturday, not yesterday.
Oh! And I had a bagel secured in my little bungee cords of my camelbak because my pockets were full, and people kept making funny comments about it. My favorite one was that it "looks like a spare tire."
On Saturday I rode with Sally and she's so awesome, she taught me how to do some sections and told me some stuff to work on, and I chilled in her RV with her. And we eat the same food! And have the same wheels and same gloves. And her bike is so freaking awesome. And we both ride a Racer-X, except she has a titanium exogrid Racer-X and it's a freaking hot bike, for real. And she went to Interbike and had awesome pictures. Then my coach got there at night, and his RV spot was right next to Sally's, and I ran over and was spazzing about how awesome she was and how she showed me how to do some sections and I cleared them and was super sweet, and he was just like "I'm glad you're not having a good time so far"...because before I went, I was all like "I don't know if I want to go because I don't even know Sally....etc etc etc"
And yeah, I could go on and on about the awesomeness that the weekend held, but I need to go review for a math test. Lametacular, I know.
(OK, SO NOW IT'S 10:00 PM, and some crazy stuff went down today, so I'm blogging about it. Haha)
So here I go, blogging about my day, alright. So, look at me, I'm little Emily driving in my car to the bike shop where I live. Today I was going to get a bike fit done, and so that was all finished, and then I was playing on a bmx bike and attempted to bunnyhop, but I'm not cool, so I gashed my leg open on the little spiky things on the pedals. At first I was laughing about it, then I looked at it more and I was like "where's my skin at?" and noticed that it was totally uncool.
Then, this cool guy, Barry, who has gashed his shins open a lot of times back in his bmx days, cleaned it with iodine, put some antibiotic ointment on it, butterfly closed it shut, put some bandaids over the butterfly closures, and put a wrap around it. I'm defnitely going to stop in and thank him tomorrow because he did an awesome job and he was totally chill about it. He was all MD style, for real.
Then Don, my totally awesome coach took me to the hospital, and stayed with me the whole time. He made being at the hospital actually kind of fun, more fun than a hospital should be. When the stitch putting in lady was numbing the gash with a needle of lidocaine the pain was really intense, and I was squeezing Don's hand/wrist, and afterwards I noticed I was probably hurting him a lot, but he was cool about it because he's tough like that. We counted the number of people I had to deal with to get in and out of the hospital. There was a total of 6 people. Talk about efficiency...yeah.
I got 7 stitches in my shin, a tetnus/diptheria/pertussis shot, and his wife brought me some apples and water because she's really nice.
Lesson of the day: Don't ride bikes unless you can clip into the pedal.
Now I have to wait 12 days to get these stitches out of my leg...which I just noticed is going to make my fall break a little sad. Maybe I'll put a shin guard on and ride my mountain bike anyway when I'm in Ohio....my coach said I should only go on road rides until I'm healed, and that I should take tomorrow off. We were supposed to go to Winona Lake this Friday, but now we're just doing a road ride instead.
My leg doesn't hurt though unless I walk around on it for a prolonged amount of time. My arm is sore where I got the shot though. That will probably be better by tomorrow or the next day though.
Time for me to write a thing for abnormal psych and study for a test that's tomorrow in there. And I have a rough draft due for english. I'm stressed..heh.
Here's a picture for your viewing pleasure...plus it's kind of Halloween-y...it's very fitting for the month of October. Good thing I never plan on being a leg model haha.
Delicious.
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| So, today I did my first crit. It wasn't so great, but I'm no roadie, so what can you do? Mostly just say that and then be done.
I'll stick to my dirt, trees, and knobby tires, thanks.
I mean, I'll probably do some road races and criteriums this spring just because I won't have much else to do and I missed the collegiate XC season pretty much because I couldn't get some paper signed by the school...still not yet even because the lame student council is lazy.
I bought a sweet new crankset and wheel set for the Titus. I don't even want to think about how much money I've spent in the past two weeks. It's sick. My student loan is going to run out haha. I wouldn't care if it did run out, I just would go home for 2nd semester. I hate it here anyways.
Anyway, I noticed something:
I reversed the concepts of high school and college.
In high school I took the classes I cared about. I took 3 music classes
a day. I mean, damn, the last time I took math was my sophomore year,
and now I'm stuck in a dumb kid algebra class.
In college I take zero music classes, and a load of classes I
don't care about. All because I want to transfer, because my life
didn't work out as expected or planned...the usual.
I was reading an article in Scientific American Mind and it told me I'm an incredibly awesome candidate for "college drop-out." I read this article before leaving for college too, and then I thought of it today by thinking of something else, so I went back and re-read it...
Reasons:
1. "poor fit with the institution the individual has chosen" Check. (I didn't "choose" it though...)
2. "Numerous factors that play into the fit involving student values" It's just not my style to get drunk and/or bang people. I keep my legs shut.
3. "no one can afford to assume that any young person, no matter how academically gifted, is certain to succeed in college" Uh-oh. I was in all honors/AP classes in high school, except for math, and I'm not doing too great currently except for in Abnormal Psych.
4. "His or her values, interests and skills in comparison to the campus environment." this was already covered partially, but everyone here is a joke. People here are incredibly not smart, and mostly everyone is a joke. I'm in an english class of english majors, and they don't know anything, and they are afraid of analyzing poetry, and they don't know/understand different ways of critiquing literature. And the teacher didn't know that "bildungsroman" is another name for "coming-of-age novel." Seriously, who doesn't know that? Oh, and my Abnormal Psych teacher didn't know that ECT was "discovered" by two Italian guys who were shocking sheep or pigs or some livestock animal, then they thought of using it for epilepsy, then it made people chill, so they used it for depression and schitzophrenia. (I'll find an article about to prove I'm right ... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ugo_Cerletti)
I hate when people who are supposed to know more then me, don't. Especially when I'm paying a lot of money to listen to them talk out of their ass.
(I should be awarded an honorary Ph.D in awesomeness..or just everything. I made this awesome picture....but it's not able to upload right now for some reason..bummer.)
The campus environment is slacker kids. I hate the campus environment. It makes me want to vomit.
5. "have trouble finding friends thus fails to socially integrate." I was thinking about this just yesterday actually, how I can go entire days without social interaction with another human being. This is mostly a commuter school, so people come to class, then go home, go to work, school isn't really anyone's first priority, etc. I don't have anything in common with most people here. I haven't found a single "friend" yet. I mean, I never had close friends in high school either, but I had friends I guess, there was a sense of closeness with other people, community. There was much more socializing in classes, such as in music classes, english classes, being a yearbook/newspaper photographer allowed me to go to bajillions of events and feel like part of something I guess...I mean, I've never been incredibly outgoing or anything, but I didn't have to be, and I ended up feeling perfectly fine and doing a normal amount of socializing. I don't need to be very social to feel content. I never really noticed how humans actually seriously NEED social interaction. I guess it's true afterall that humans are social creatures. I'm not going to go out and try to find friends though because I'm not very out going or assertive, and I dislike the campus environment and thus feel like I have nothing in common with anyone, therefore I'm not going to try, because I already have a disdain towards everything involving this college. Everyone just wants to get some anyway, that's everyone's reason for being friends with anyone. For example, I was at Firefly Coffee House, and some guy started talking to me, and whatever, I don't mind talking to people, and we were talking for awhile about stuff, like why we ended up at IPFW, then our classes, then philosophy and such, then they were closing so I was leaving, and this guy gave me a hug, then tried to make out with me, and I was like "uhm...no." WTF, seriously. I guess the point of the story is that it's impossible to have a conversation with someone without them wanting to stick their tounge in your mouth afterwards. College is dumb.
6. "The first eight weeks of college are a particularly critical period for determining whether a student will stay the course" What number are we at? I've seriously considered a few times changing, just going home and going to Akron or Tri-C or Kent starting 2nd semester.
7. "smart students who lose track of time, fail to study or to study properly, and do not value academic success may be less likely to pass enough classes to graduate than are less gifted students, who, despite not earning "A's," study diligently and manage their time well." That pretty much is a definition of Emily. Unfortunately I never had to study in high school, but I guess they figure that kids in honors classes know how to study and do. Nope. I just never to and got by quite well, but now I do need to study. I don't value academic success because I hate it here, but I know that I need to do well so that I can transfer, thus causing me to be conflicted.
8. All of my classes are huge (except for english...but i already talked about my problems with that class), that causes me to sometimes just skip class because I don't care, and no one is going to notice anyways. I'm just 1 little person in over 200 people in a lecture hall.
I'm not good at anything, and I'm not doing too great in my classes, so I don't know what I'll do if I can't get into somewhere as a transfer student. I don't have friends. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore or what the purpose is. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.
I've skipped class a few times to ride my bike, but I suck at that just like everything else.
But seriously, I've been thinking a lot about how much social interaction I don't get involved in and it's affects. I never knew it would have had such a huge affect. It's heavy. I'm not a part of anything, and I don't have friends. I never noticed how much social interaction I had with people in a day until recently when I have almost none. That's how things tend to go though, you take stuff for granted until it's non-existent. It's odd how much I am noticing the effects though even though I've always been slightly more introverted than extroverted. Actually, I'm pretty close to 50/50. It depends on the situation I guess. I remember when my mom would come home from conferences and some teachers told her that they were worried because I was quiet and kept to myself and didn't seem to care to interact, and other teachers complained that I was too talkative sometimes. Haha, I love it. I'm so awesome.
Overall, today was a good day though, I mean, I did bad at the crit, but everyone was awesome and it was a good time, and then I went to this party at this person's house and she had german shepherds, and I really love doggies, and I miss interacting with dogs too, so today was wonderfully exciting and a pleasant change of pace.
And I got a sunburn, ON THE SECOND DAY OF AUTUMN!
YEAH! HAPPY BELATED FALL (It started yesterday around 6am)! Usually it would be kind of saddening that it's fall, because everything dies, and then it's barren, desolate, and cold..aka winter...,but I really love fall when it comes down to it. I love the cool smells, the warm colors, the delectably crunchy leaves that the sun tosses a golden hue over, warm apple cider with cinnamon sticks, pumpkin carving, the way the leaves swirl around on back country roads when you're driving, wearing sweaters...seriously, I miss my sweaters in the summer time. Ok ok, I could go on and on, but let me sum it up like this: Fall is awesome.
Oh yeah, and fall break is soon. I can't wait to go home and ride all the trails around there that are so awesome, and there's a new one that just opened like last weekend or something. And go for a happy little road ride through Cuyahoga Valley National Park and be in awe by the leaves and awesome roads through that area.
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